It’s a Tie! Writing vs. Fashion vs. Food
So, the different aspects of my identity are always contending with each other for top dog.
So who am I?
Fashion Queen? No…
**
Am I a runner? Quasi. Am I a writer? Well… I haven’t written anything serious in close to a year. Am I a fashion maven? Well, no, I’m on a budget, and I hate label whoring (though I slightly tend to in my “Outfit Architecture” descriptions). Am I a cook? No training, but I often feel most comfortable in the kitchen. Am I Green Activist? I try, but I don’t go out there and lobby, or walk the streets, preaching the gospel of Green.
A cook? No…
Hoisin/Teriyaki “chick’n” chard stir-fry, with Isreali Couscous with lemon, and steamed garlic broccoli. Contact me for recipe if you want it.
No longer a perpetual student, I find myself constantly trying to define who I am and in what little hole in the world I fit. This is the kind of identity crisis that kids post college face: “Who Am I? Where Am I Going? What Am I Doing?” And yet, here I am, completing my 28th year, and still vacillating.
Do I have to define myself in distinct, certain terms and qualities in order to really know who I am?
That question gives me pause. I don’t know if I have to really set down in stone, like some Biblical Tablet that outlines the parameters of what makes Mae who she is. Commandments of the Mae Character, if you will. I know my preferences, tastes and comfort levels. I know my own vocabulary, I know good grammar. Distastes, hates and discomforts are not unknown to me.
But if there is a “This is Mae” sort of idea floating about in the cloudy ether that is my brain, I haven’t felt/seen/heard of it yet.
I’m okay.
So am I a writer? A clothes horse? A Runner? An Eco-Nazi? A cook? Yes. And No. And yes again. I am all these things and none of them. They’re tied. And they’re all woven into the prickly textured fabric of my humanity. It doesn’t matter. I don’t have to define who I am as a person in order to know I have an impact on the planet and the people whose lives touch mine. I’m okay with that.
Outfit architecture: Skirt, shirt, Club Monaco; sweater stockings, Tarzhay; boots, Aldo; Belt, vintage; batwing cardi, Norma Kamali.
i often feel the same… well i mean all the time. I still have no idea who i am at all. I guess a lot of are still “finding ourselves”. We have to be out there somewhere right? haha
I think the most beautiful part about life is that we are always evolving and ever changing and ever growing. We never have to PIN DOWN who we are just for the sake of defining ourselves.
If you stop changing, you’ve stopped growing. And I never want to feel that, ever.
i feel the same way. there are things that i do and enjoy but those alone don’t define me. maybe we don’t ever truly find ourselves because we are ever evolving.
Exactly. If we stop changing, we stop growing… and that point is a dismal one.
The lovely thing about being who we are is that we are ever changing, and yet we still remain constant. I also periodically try to define who “Dre” is, and can never really stick to just one description. I don’t think we should try to fit into a box, a stereotype, or what have you. The beauty of being alive is that we can be and do many things. <3
:) I don’t have 1. I have 5. And next year, I may have 3 or I may have 10 aspects. But I will never be in a box. You’re so right.
I think we all need to have a little bit of everything in us (well just that good stuff:)). Isn’t being the kitchen so calming? It’s my zen zone, I love it.
You look fabulous btw!
Oh and thanks for the ab tip, I actually can’t run (bad knees – arthritis, grrr) but yes, I do need to up my cardio. I hate it though. I used to love it. Now…notsomuch.
Happy weekend!
xo
:) Thank you for the comment love!
I have arthritis, too. I have lupus. Sometimes bad, sometimes not so bad. But arthritis in all my joints. I find that the method of running I described to you actually is way low impact, and therefore beneficial to my body rather than traditional heel-strike. I haven’t had super sore knees in a few months, actually. Though I have had other swelling joints problems and other lupus probs, too. You might have the same symptoms as I do, since both are auto immune diseases.
Hmm… lately I’ve been asking myself the same thing. What happened to my identity? I used to feel like I had an edge and now I feel more like something smoothed over and a little dull. I have my routines, the things that bring me joy and those things that bring me comfort. If I wrote them all down you might suppose I was an 80 year old granny. But that’s just me in this moment. I’m trying to learn to be ok with who I am right now and who I might be in the future. Even if that person isn’t very exciting!
;)
I think you and I have a lot to talk about for our theoretical coffee date someday.
Do we always need to classify? I am all for soul-searching, but sometimes it’s incredibly tiring and I would just rather think about growing than figuring out who I am now. Because why define ourselves if we’re continuing to evolve?
WORD!
you are Mae!! well to me you are. i’m searching for myself too.. i’ve changed a lot over the last 10 years. i would never have guess i’d have accomplished what I have so far though. i’m pretty content with myself.
also, i love your self portraits… you are beautiful!
I replied to you below… but I don’t think it emailed you!
I think that, no matter our edumacation status, we’re always meant to wander and wonder. It’s the annoying part of life that keeps us in motion. I’m wondering if graduating this Spring will have a similar effect on me. I don’t think I know how to not be in school.
Yummy food!
You get used to it after awhile. I’d been in school for the better part of 10 years. I didn’t know who I was for a few months. But I also have a full-time job, and that place systematically eats away pieces of my soul, so after awhile, it was like, OH, I’m an office drone now. School drone to office drone. Oh well, it makes a living.
But I think that the day we stop wandering, is the day that we’ve stopped evolving and continuing to progress to the person we’ve always meant to be…
I love that you like me the way I am. :)
We’re always searching, ever changing, ever evolving, but when we find who we are, it doesn’t have to be written in stone. It’s better to be like water. Flowing to something bigger.
And you HAVE GROWN so much over the last year. It’s insane. I hope you’re proud!
you are: beautiful and talented. Love the photos and the outfit!