Piece of Mae #4: Melissa Fantastic Plastic Dreams and Canadian TV
I’m late by a few days, but oh well. I’ve been consumed with my Hana Elite Professional 1″ Flat Iron Giveaway Sweepstakes (have you entered yet??) courtesy of Misikko.com (check them out, too!) that I haven’t had time to post anything else!
Every first Sunday of the month, I play a game in which I list I-Statements, and finish them with revealing piece of myself from this moment.
Game was originated by Shir, Notes From the Toothfairy back in November, and if you want to join just visit Shir at that link and sign up!
It’s fun.
I miss Hawaii.
This month….
I like: Newly obsessed over Canadian Telly. “Little Mosque on the Prairie” and “Being Erica” (only the latter of which is available on Hulu) have pretty much ruled me for the last month. Erica in “Being Erica” is a 32 year old under-achiever, who is convinced of her own unworthiness, unassertiveness and life-long constancy of making bad choices. Sounds a lot like me actually.
Also am newly obsessed over Skin Food (Korean skin product) and Melissa plastic shoes. I bought a pair of yellow Vivienne Westwood + Melissa Lady Dragon bow shoes and I am sold. The brand is eco-friendly (that’s a huge plus for me!) and the plastic smells like bubblegum. YUM. I bought them in yellow (pictures to come soon).
I like that it’s getting warmer. I like being able to wear stockings without another pair or two under them.
I don’t like: Lately been having terrible lupus attacks in my arms and knees and feeling queasy for days on end. It’s been interrupting my marathon training. Back spasms, back misalignment. I’ve been off the treadmill for about 2 weeks straight now.
And I’m getting tired of Michigan… despite all the wonderful people here. I am missing Hawaii.
I want you to know: I’ve started praying again. Not to embrace some childhood or parental ideal of religion, or religiousity, or to fulfill an ideology which I dumped years ago… but because I have always believed there is a beneficent, loving God or Universe (God IS the Universe), and that I was not made without it willing evolution of elements in the world to make it so. I’ve been tithing, though not to a specific church. I give back to the community at large by donating a portion of my measly monthly salary to the local public library and to a world disaster relief agency (which is supported by my childhood church, but purports to have the main focus of providing clean and safe drinking water and food for countries ravaged by natural and social disaster). It is my way of giving back to the Universe that sustains us all.
I’ve planned: Run more, read more, be more… assertive. Oh, and we’re going to Vegas for Easter for my first cousin’s wedding.
I want to say to someone special: I wish you wouldn’t sell yourself short all the time. Neither of us are getting any younger, and we need to seize opportunities to better ourselves. If there are none, we need to make those opportunities happen, rather than waiting for life to bring us something. Complacency is death. I should know, and you need to learn that sooner rather than later. I love us both too much to see ourselves fail.
—
If you haven’t yet, Enter My GIVEAWAY!
You could win this! A Hana Elite Professional 1″ Straightening Iron provided by Misikko.com!!!
Architecture of an Outfit: I know all your favorite spots and tonight we will connect the dots
Outfit details: Sweater, shirt, belt: H&M. Necklace: Anthropologie. Tights, watch: Target. Earrings, bracelet: Boutique, Violet Veldore (Victoria, BC). Love worn shoes: Payless.
Yesterday I went to Cleveland for a business meeting which lasted 2 hours. My round trip from Detroit to Cleveland was 8 hours. For a 2 hour meeting
Upon conclusion of the meeting, my sales rep CP said, “Well, Mae, it’s nice to see you, but it was completely pointless for you to have come out all this way.” …. Yeah, that’s what I said.
If your muscles are wound up and tight,
then I will loosen up the knots until it feels right.
If your ears just ache from listening,
then I’ll supply the remedy in the melodies I sing.
—
Be sure to check out yesterday’s Product Review on the Hana Elite 1″ Ceramic Ion Straightening Iron which I will be featuring in a sweepstakes on this site this weekend! A GIVEAWAY!!! Check it out here!
Currents, currencies, currently.
Sweater, tights, watch, belt: Tarzhay. Skirt, earrings: F21. Legwarmers, necklace: UO. Shirt, some random store. Shoes: Dolce Vita.
I stole this from my cousin Ria, because, well, I am lazy as hell, and the reconstruction on my site isn’t going as quickly as I thought. I have way too many categories. So I’m posting again. ^_^
Current Book(s):
None. We’re a magazine family. National Geographic, WIRED, Monocle, People StyleWatch, Real Simple.
Current Music:
Jesca Hoop
Anya Marina (she has this fantastic song on the New Moon (Twilight 2) OST)
Corinne Bailey Rae’s The Sea
Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure:
Cheddar and dill scones with tea.
Current Colors:
Teal and mustard yellow.
Current Obsessions:
Club Monaco, Anthropologie, ankle booties, flouncy skirts worn with opaque tights, clashing patterns in clothing;
English tea with creme and sugar.
Current Drink:
Red Rose Tea — Canada’s #1 Tea!
Current Songs:
“Intelligentactile 101″, Jesca Hoop
“Blackest Lily”, Corinne Bailey Rae
Current Movie:
The Sound of Music. It’s a classic I’ve watched about 300 times since I was a child.
How to Steal a Million (Audrey!!)
Current TV Show:
Californication, X-Files, Dollhouse (haven’t seen season 2 yet), Fringe, LOST, Little Mosque on the Prairie
Current Wish-List:
More money.
Current Needs:
Suiting dress shirts, ankle booties, colored tights. A watch. And, of course, more time.
Current Triumph(s):
Working with my husband–he thinks I’m worthy enough to work with now.
Current Bane(s) of my Existence:
Girl scout cookies
Current Goal(s):
Reorganize my closet, work more projects, learn faster recipes, replenish my wardrobe so I can stop hating it.
Current Indulgence:
Asian Pears.
Current Blessing:
My husband and my dog.
Current Slang or Saying:
My hips hurt. I feel sick. (This is pretty much a constant.)
Current (Fav) Outfit:
Textured tights, ankle booties, flouncy skirt, wife beater, cardi with belt, scarf.
Current Excitement:
Working with my husband in the Lab.
Current Mood:
Cutesy… I’m working with my husband!
Finding Love in Old Places
In celebration of our Fifth Year together today.
I love you, Ffin. Happy anniversary.
It seems I have been, from the start, hopelessly devoted to you. Not in a sickening, codependent sort of way, but sometimes bordering on an unhealthy obsession. There is never a time when I can NOT love you or feel in love with you. Despite our many, many faults. Yours, being overly annoying. Mine, being temperamental, prone to worry, freakishly bi-polar-ish. I find myself loving you and thinking about you, wanting to talk to you, when traditional relationship wisdom says that couples who have been together for as long as we have, on average, speak less than 12 minutes a day, and touch less than 6 times.
It may not feel like it, but I love you more and more everyday. Sure, I take us for granted sometimes, and I lose sight of how sweet–and by “sweet”, I mean “totally awesome”–our life together keeps becoming.
I never would have made it as far in life as I have without you, would not have grown up if you hadn’t pulled me out of my bubble and woke me up.
And for that I will always be grateful.
You showed me the world. So I give you mine.
And I will be hopefully always hopelessly devoted to you.
Here’s to many more years together.
—
An oldie but a goodie.
Excerpt from a letter I wrote you a couple of years ago:
I tried to rein in my obsession, tried not to let it boil over or become insurmountable. And it wasn’t for lack of things to do: I went to the Market, I went to the club, I cooked myself dinner, I watched movies, played games, went out to dinner. But creeping in the back of my head was this nagging, tiny bubble, aching to burst. It would pulse, “Don’t forget him, he’s coming home soon for you to moon over him.” And during dinner, the bubble would pop and its poison would emanate from me.
Conversations turned into rambling odes to your greatness. My girlfriends would roll their eyes and daydream of better days when I was not obsessed about boys.
More at:
Wandering
Under the Wave
I’ve been lost under a wave. Pessimism, stress, frustration, fear. Drowning under currents and tides I did not foresee, did not help to create. My puny arms flail against the raging currents, cool, dark waters sweep past me. My pathetic efforts lose, and I am lost in the undertow, dragged down, down into a quiet, sinister abyss. A death without much struggle, an inexorable sinking into nothingness.
I was stumbling in darkness, heavy in sleep. I woke up a few times with fear and sweat, and prayed to the Universe to remove the apprehension and uncertainty, to give me conviction and courage.
I feel stronger now. Lifted. Taken from the waters, washed up, disheveled but somehow alive, on the shore, where I stagger forward.
Let’s see whether I can continue forward throughout the day. I look to the Sun, and feel its Warmth, and somehow I gain strength that I haven’t had before well up in me. It’s about time.
—
Past and Future are a duality of which Present is the reality. The now-moment alone is eternal and real. – Why Lazurus Laughed by Wei Wu Wei
Of course the game is rigged. Don’t let that stop you–if you don’t play, you can’t win.
–Robert Heinlein (1907 – 1988)Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.
–Rudyard Kipling (1865 – 1936)The best way out is always through.
–Robert Frost (1874 – 1963)I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
–Thomas A. Edison (1847 – 1931), (attributed)
—
Architecture of an outfit: Friday (Date) Night Lights
Friday, N finally set his work aside for a night, so we could make a date of what was left of the evening. Scotch and maybe dinner, if we were so inclined. Now, this is a big deal since N generally works 70 or 80 hour work weeks, sometimes more.
Outfit Architecture: Cashmere wrap, VS; belt, F21; satin miniskirt, Club Monaco; socks, Tarzhay; Maryjane straped wedge booties, All Black via Anthropologie.
Took my cashmere blend warp cardi and pinned it so that it became a drapey, slouchy, blousey thing. I like how it turned out. Pretty neat. I was quite proud of my improvised draping skills, and I plan to do it again sometime soon.
We went out to Birmingham to a restaurant called Forté for scotch and perhaps some dinner. By the time I got finished getting ready (which can be quite long sometimes), we were both starving. N ordered a Glengoyne 10, and I ordered a Spanish Coffee to celebrate our very rare free night. The bread was superb! I can’t even begin to rave about it. I ordered the special fish of the day, ahi tuna steak tempura served on a bed of seasoned grilled veggies and quinoa tabuli. So amazing. I wish I could eat like that every week. We finished out the night with a duo of mint chocolate mousse and creme brulee.
Best night in quite awhile…
…Until I got some seriously rude looks from older women in the washroom. But whatever, F them.
What was your weekend like? Or your Monday, depending on when you read this.
Better late than never: Happy, happy VDay!
Max and I have a message for thereafterish readers!
To those of you who celebrate: Happy Valentine’s Day!
For everyone else: Happy Sunday!
So, okay, I’m a day late. Sue me. I had mistakenly scheduled a post up that I shouldn’t have, so OOPSIE!
I hope all of you had a GREEN, HAPPY, SAFE and LOVE-FILLED day. Whether you were celebrating with yourself or with loved ones. After all, the spirit of this holiday is about love, and whether you’re single or no, love can still abound.
Remember, love yourself, take care of yourself, first, and then all else can be taken care of.
Tea for Two #2: Coffee-Tea Time Chats with Maeko
Media technology brings people from all over the globe together in a close-knit kinship, a digital community. Bloggers, in particular, find themselves interconnected, kindred spirits. We are tied together by this hobby/habit/addiction we all share.
So, in the spirit of camaraderie, I have instituted a blog theme stolen from my girl SleepyJane called Tea for Two, she calls them Coffee Chats. These Tea Times/Coffee Chats help bring me closer to my readers and my blog friends. Every few weeks, I respond to SleepyJane’s coffee chat with a post of my own, and then I invite my readers to answer the same questions.
Also… I’m home sick with a back spasm that’s been killing me for the better part of three days, so I have nothing but time.
Img Cred: ChyIn, flickr
This week’s Tea for Two (or three or a baker’s dozen) is a two-fer: response to SJ, and I pose some new questions. Feel free to answer both sets in the comments below. Or even write a response article, but make sure to link me back to it!
1. Tell me one thing that makes you happy?
2. Your favourite things to do on a rainy day/night? (I need ideas on account of all the fabulous rain here. I love love love rain.)
3. Phrases or words you overuse?
1. One thing that makes me happy? I can’t just pin it down to just ONE. Husband. Staying in Date Nights at home. Nights on the couch, watching weeds. My cooking. My dog. Reading my new friends’ blogs. Newly? Eye lash treatments and mascaras… From Japan. It’s superficial, but I love it.
2.Until my late twenties, I used to LOVE rain showers. Growing up in Southern California, there was hardly ANY rain, so whenever there was a rain shower, I would always PUDDLE JUMP! I’d get really cold after the hours of finding the deepest puddles in which to jump, but the squeals of laughter, and delight jumping gave me were worth the chills. Now, I play videogames if it rains or snows. Sometimes I go for a wet run in the woods. The woods here are beautiful when wet.
3. I say, “Like”, Valley-Girl style WAY too much. Blame my 20 years in San Diego. I also say “for sure”, “dude”, “hullabaloo”, “that’s weak-sauce”, and “fantastic” too much. I’m sick of people using the word “chic”, and the word “bling” makes me want to hurl. I also use “indeed” with a smug-fuck-know-it-all tone too much. I blame my brother.
Img Cred: Andrew Leitner
1. What do you wish someone would invent?
2. Do you ever miss something from your younger years?
3. If there was one song that, if stranded on a desert island with no hope of ever leaving (a la LOST), you would NEVER want to hear ever again?
And I leave you with:
Today’s Quote
{ Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies. – Ralph Waldo Emerson }
A Piece of Mae #3: February – Beauty Products, Lupus Pain and Prayer
Every first Sunday of the month, I play a game in which I list I-Statements, and finish them with revealing piece of myself from this moment.
Game was originated by Shir, Notes From the Toothfairy back in November, and if you want to join just visit Shir at that link and sign up!
It’s fun.
This month….
I like: Japanese beauty products!! Canmake Eyelash Essence and other lash serums which have made my eyelashes double in length since I cut them in December (according to the instructions), and hours and hours of watching Weeds with my husband. And I like prayer. I’ve been praying more regularly, and I feel it’s taken my anger down a whole lot of notches… won’t say I’m Christian or label whatever I believe; I’m just saying prayer/meditation with a higher Power does work, whether you believe that Power is the Judeo-Christian-Muslim God/Allah, or whatever.
I don’t like: Lately been having terrible lupus attacks in my arms and knees and feeling queasy for days on end. It’s been interrupting my marathon training. Also don’t like the weather. Supposed to be getting douched tomorrow with 6-10 inches. UGH.
I want you to know: I was motivated to try to jump on the NaBloPomo wagon and post once a day rain or shine, but you know what? Posting every day is exhausting and time consuming, and it hasn’t gotten me more traffic, so it’s been very disappointing.
Also, I am no hater, but i don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. Yes, I do hate the commercialism and ware peddling, and consumerism en masse… But there is something inherently unromantic about a calendar and commercial mandate for romance. To me romance is something that happens spontaneously between two people and then becomes history, and no toy or candy filled holiday should dictate that. Also, my anniversary of dating N is in February, so the holiday seems absolutely extraneous.
I’ve planned: run more, write when I feel like it, comment more on other people’s articles and enjoy it rather than think of it as something I “have to do”.
I want to say to someone special: I’m glad you’re proud of me for praying more. And I am glad you’re gaining strength from learning more about your own softer side of life.
It’s a Tie! Writing vs. Fashion vs. Food
So, the different aspects of my identity are always contending with each other for top dog.
So who am I?
Fashion Queen? No…
**
Am I a runner? Quasi. Am I a writer? Well… I haven’t written anything serious in close to a year. Am I a fashion maven? Well, no, I’m on a budget, and I hate label whoring (though I slightly tend to in my “Outfit Architecture” descriptions). Am I a cook? No training, but I often feel most comfortable in the kitchen. Am I Green Activist? I try, but I don’t go out there and lobby, or walk the streets, preaching the gospel of Green.
A cook? No…
Hoisin/Teriyaki “chick’n” chard stir-fry, with Isreali Couscous with lemon, and steamed garlic broccoli. Contact me for recipe if you want it.
No longer a perpetual student, I find myself constantly trying to define who I am and in what little hole in the world I fit. This is the kind of identity crisis that kids post college face: “Who Am I? Where Am I Going? What Am I Doing?” And yet, here I am, completing my 28th year, and still vacillating.
Do I have to define myself in distinct, certain terms and qualities in order to really know who I am?
That question gives me pause. I don’t know if I have to really set down in stone, like some Biblical Tablet that outlines the parameters of what makes Mae who she is. Commandments of the Mae Character, if you will. I know my preferences, tastes and comfort levels. I know my own vocabulary, I know good grammar. Distastes, hates and discomforts are not unknown to me.
But if there is a “This is Mae” sort of idea floating about in the cloudy ether that is my brain, I haven’t felt/seen/heard of it yet.
I’m okay.
So am I a writer? A clothes horse? A Runner? An Eco-Nazi? A cook? Yes. And No. And yes again. I am all these things and none of them. They’re tied. And they’re all woven into the prickly textured fabric of my humanity. It doesn’t matter. I don’t have to define who I am as a person in order to know I have an impact on the planet and the people whose lives touch mine. I’m okay with that.
Outfit architecture: Skirt, shirt, Club Monaco; sweater stockings, Tarzhay; boots, Aldo; Belt, vintage; batwing cardi, Norma Kamali.
I Need To Hide the Real Me Like I Need a Punch In the Face: The ‘Fit photos
The ‘Fit: Monday. (NaBloPoMo day 2)
Can’t get off the “Punch in the Face” topic. Feels like there are a lot of things that can tie well into not needing something. Or needing something as badly as needing a sock to the eye…
Like feeling inferior. We never need to feel inferior to anything or anyone. AND YET…
I find myself feeling inferior to a lot of people, and most of all, to that ideal that I once held for myself and who I should be at this age (28 years almost complete).
Oufit Architecture: watch, belt, turtleneck, Target; pants, Moda Int’l (VS); Striped top, F21; Architectural Ring, Modcloth; shoe/booties, Anthro; scarf, vintage.
Taken in my bathroom (mind ye not the hanger in the background!) on my iPhone camera genius app with a timer. That app really is pure genius!
Cooked me some pasta after a 3.5 mi run at the gym.
Garlicky spinach whole wheat pasta with chick’n. YUM. If you want recipes, just email me (under CONTACT page)
Was asked by a Twitter friend and blogger compatriot if we ever felt like we were more comfortable in a mask in some form other other, than in our natural face. I answered yes. That my made up face is a type of mask which hides the inferior self and shows the world my more confident side. My “au naturale” appearance felt less “me” than anything else. If I venture forth into the world without being masked by what I feel makes me look most myself (make up), I hide behind my giant glasses.
THIS
is not greater than or equal to
THIS
And when in doubt, employ diversion tactics!
All of us hide something about ourselves that we don’t need to. Because hiding is tantamount to lying, denying others the immense delight of knowing our Truest Selves. We need to hide the real “us” like a punch to the face.
Take a {bow}.
Ever hear “Life is a gift”?
Well, as much as I hate cliches, I’m inclined to agree.
Wrapped up in a bow, like a little present.
Outfit Architecture: Sweater, Moda International; skirt, J. Crew; sash, Old Navy; Stockings, socks, Target; mary-janes, Bakers.
Let’s preface this little essay with an establishing shot, though. I am one of the biggest Debbie Downers in the Hemisphere planet. Probably in the Universe. My worries take over my psyche so overwhelmingly, that everything turns into a roiling stew with ingredients all poisoning my life, something concocted to perturb destroy my life. I kid you not. Though I do have a predilection for hyperbolic speech, this is not something about which I kid. My negativity, if somehow could be harnessed into power, could probably singlehandedly power the entire power-hungry, freakishly high carbon-emitting nation in the greenest possible way. Talk about the power of vehement green!
Anyway, so… let’s get this out of the way. It might not be a secret, but I can say it again: I often hate many aspects of my life. Namely, the aspects of my life that occur between the hours of eight and five o’clock. I don’t always hate it, but detestation does make a pretty regular series guest appearance.
But I started to think about everything in terms of stark facts:
Detroit and the surrounding areas has the highest unemployment rate in the state.
Detroit, therefore, has the highest unemployment rate in the nation.
I don’t make a lot of money.
I do, however, make enough to donate about 10% of my net take home pay (after subtracting joint home expenses) to charitable organizations, like a Christian Disaster Relief Aid organization, and the local public library.
I also am able to slowly, but surely, pay off my credit card debts.
And make regular school loan payments.
And car loan payments.
I have a retirement Roth IRA.
I have fantastic health, dental, vision, life benefits.
I can still afford to shop every now and then.
And travel once in awhile.
My husband has a 9-5 job.
My husband owns a graphic design firm.
He nets a handsome amount of profit.
Which enables us to be able to save up for our dream.
Which is moving to Hawaii in two years.
So, if I look at the facts, everything is pretty darn good, despite how I sometimes often feel about certain aspects of my work and the establishment.
Embrace a shining moment in your life.
And it got me thinking about the opportunities we get each hour, each minute, each second, to change our lives, and our attitudes about our situations. The human life only has a condition if you choose to make it a condition. Every morning–in spite of the rancor that raged through me about the adversities I could possibly face the next day the night before, seething and writhing internally and literally in my sheets, nightmares searing my retinas–I pray to the Universe/God, for the strength to get over myself, and to embrace the infinite number of opportunities that coming day. I also pray to the Universe for serenity to somehow continue living for me, and not for the major factors of bitch-ass-ness that often have the potential to throw me into a downward spiral. I don’t always live up to potential I know I am capable of, but the point is that I need to continually realize the chance to pounce on that delicious chance to make some “rain” for myself.
So everything really is a gift. Every day is a gift. A gift from the Universe, and also one that we can give ourselves. We just need to be accepting of them.
A recent gift was meeting 5 wonderful women at this weekend’s Michigan FemmeBlogger meet up. (Wrap-up report later this week.) I have a great life.
Langourous
Several things have had me wondering. My body dallies. I am thick inside… an agonizingly indolent flow within.
Was my food too rich last night? Did I drink enough water? Was my SoyMilk old? Expired? It tasted fine.
And yet my body feels slow; my blood and breath feel oozy and slimy running through their tunnels of my body. Like the time passing under the gun-metal grey morning sky. Like a lazy wind, too weak to flicker a candle flame. Punches of colour, small feelings of shine and glitz on the exterior cannot remedy the ailment of the internal.
Everything about this morning is frustratingly quiet and torpid. A dilatory progression through and toward monotony. A greyness of time. A greyness of weather. A greyness of sky, a misty shroud veiling the day that could’ve been wrought with opportunity under a brighter light. Not today, says the shroud, laying thickly over the cars and roads. Not today, maybe tomorrow you will embrace Possibility. But not today. Go back to bed, I bid you.
And so we do, in our minds. Spiralling endlessly back into slumber–waking slumber. Walking, talking, breathing, functioning, but our minds asleep in the comforting warmth of our beds and snuggle-some dreams; we bumble about our days in a fog. Overcast as the day. Taking its words to heart: “Maybe tomorrow.”
Fog images credit: Stuff In the Air, An Ordinary Mom
Maeko Loves #3: Family
Family.
You don’t always love them. In fact, you can sometimes hate them. Only in these people can you feel love and hatred in both equal measure. They are able to get under your skin in more ways than even your most unparalleled enemy could ever dream. They elevate your happiness to the highest heights, where you soar amongst regal eagles, borne on the undaunted currents of contentment. And at the same time, they can plunge you into the depths of the deepest hidden chasms of the oceans of despair and desperation. Only those whom we love most, can we at times detest most. Yet in the end we cannot sever the bond that links us so indelibly: blood. Written into the very fabric of our being, our cells, our delicate, ribbon-like DNA, we are chemically bound to our family, a genetic binding that although in essence only scientific, still goes beyond our ability to see, explore, imperially prove.
This is what “family” looks like to me.
My husband, N.
My “son”, Max (also known as “Bear”, since he looks like a fluffy little bear).
My sister (in law), T.
My brother, L.
My mum and dad, M & H.
My grandmothers, C and C.
It was for my grandmothers that N and I married in Victoria, British Columbia. And it was also for them that we spent our Christmas holiday back there.
I don’t usually wax sentimental about most people other than my husband, but I thought it was time to dedicate some love to my own family, some the most important people in my life.
I’ve always placed a lot more value in my best friends than in my family members, sad to admit. But lots of social/extroverted often find that they forge stronger connections with external parties than with internal. I always felt that my beat friends would always accept me as I am, love without agency, without trying to change me. Would always know me best. My best friends become my family. The proverbial friends that stick closer than brothers.
But Lately, I’ve been learning that my own blood can be these types of people–beyond a label of “family” or “friend”–unconditional love that transcends all definition. And there are friends that do stick closer than brothers, but there are also friends who come and go. And you can hardly ever leave your family.
My grandmother C (the one in the Senior Home photo) is 96 years old. She spent Christmas day in the ICU and then the rest of the time we were in Victoria, committed to a hospital room.
Throughout my childhood, I ignored her, or rebuffed her overly nurturing attempts at showering me with affection as insanely over-bearing. I found her grandfathering MO too involved, too in-your-face, too babying, too soft, too intense, smothering. And because of my hands-off approach to our relationship, I didn’t spend as much time as I should have getting to know her as a person. She was always my Gram. I loved and I love her, of course, but as a defiant child growing up with two battling cultures–a Western culture of California, and raised in a home with the stifling, strict culture of my heritage–I found my Gram’s often-needling, smothering presence in my life oppressive.
Anyway, long story short: I feel now that I neglected her, and that I should know her better for who she is. Lately, she has had too many “close calls”, and we’re not sure how much longer she has.
Lesson: do not neglect your family. You may feel they are annoying, prying, nosy, but except for certain situations, you cannot divorce your family. Don’t make the same mistake I did.
Is there someone in your life you feel you have neglected to treat like “family”, because of your selfish interpretation of their affection?
Unconventional Love Story: A Fairytale in Digitial (Soulmates from Unique Places)
N and I have An Unconventional Love Story, A Fairytale in Digital.
Five years ago yesterday was the anniversary of the day I found the weird MySpace profile of the one who would become my soul mate, and sent him a message–that, out of more than two hundred messages that day, he singly responded to–and thus changed our lives forever. As trite as it may sound, the anniversary of that first MySpace email is the anniversary of the most important day of our lives, because it paved the way for what would become the Mae and N Lu family. It paved the way.
The number five is proving to be lucky for me, in retrospect:
Next month, N and I will hit our fifth month of marriage, five days after our FIVE YEAR anniversary of dating (we started dating the night of 2/24, but we met at 2AM, which technically means we started dating on 2/25).
My birthday is in the fifth month of the year.
And yesterday, our 5 year meeting anniversary proved to be lucky: There were no droves of bumbling Resolutioners at the gym when we got there at 8. Usually it’s packed in early January. Maybe it’s the economy or something.
I’ve been waxing vaguely motivational speaker meets life philosopher on Twitter lately. Especially last night after basking in the Euphoria of realizing that a life-changing swift river of time that has swept me under, drowned me and re-birthed me into a new person. The five year stream, in hindsight, which felt like a gentle, warm, yet still overwhelming deluge, tore me from a sedentary, wasteful, complacent existence in a shining, sunny bubble and into the greater world of Understanding, Awareness and The Unexplored. My spheres of life expanded dramatically in those first five months. My eyes dilated from idle complacency into a sharper, clearer focus of the brilliant, Other World beyond my controlled bubble in that now-distant, sheltered life.
He has changed me–not wholly, but changed me nonetheless. Greatly. Unfathomably. For the better. And he constantly inspires me to be a better person. I really am a lucky girl.
Below is some of my Tweet babble from last night, but I do feel they were important things to say:
Life is as ugly, beautiful or awful as only you can make it. Hope isn’t always such a bad thing 2 have if tempered w/ healthy skepticism.
Be real, do good, be well inside and outside, and look for contentment and insight rather than a mindless pursuit of happiness.
Doing good for others leads to attainment of contentment and deep self meaning. In meaning and giving lies inherent paths to satisfaction.
More wedding photos:
Do you have an unconventional story of meeting the most important person in your life? Best friend, soul mate, … ex? TELL ME!
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Be sure to VISIT my recent Piece of Me post and comment your thoughts!
A Piece of Mae #2: New Year, New Mae…Kind Of!
It’s a day late! But hopefully I don’t get bumped!
xoxo~Mae
Taken 6 July 2009.
I like:
LIST TIME! Y’alls love lists!
*The brand new white blanket of soft crystalline snow on our lawn, that covered up the dirty, dog-piss and foot print-sullied old layer of snow.
*That this is my first “New Year” as a married–I rather like being married. It’s very fun.
*Especially in love with my Grandmothers. Got to know them over the holiday trip to Victoria, BC, and I love them even more than before.
*Loving my belated Christmas present from my mother in law: GLEE SEASON 1, VOL 1!! OMG. I already watched three episodes last night!
*Musicals…Wicked to be specific.
*Books on which movies or musicals are based… Wicked to be specific.
*Freshness of resolutions, but the knowledge that I’ve been resolving to achieve these goals in an on-going manner, rather than subscribing to “New Year, New Plan”, which often doesn’t stick!
I don’t like:
-The brand new white blanket of the sodding cold stuff called snow. I both love and hate it. WOULD LOVE WARM WEATHER AGAIN! Even just slightly cool and sunny weather!
-I’m so tired of cold weather–I want to move. Both of us do.
-Hate that one of my beloved grand-mummys was in the hospital the whole time we were visiting Victoria.
-Don’t like not knowing whether she is back in her senior care home or still in the Hospital. My parents are not answering their phones.
-That my parents don’t answer their effing phones! If I’m going to make good on my “Communicate More” goal, they need to help out!
-That there are going to be a bunch of tubby Resolutioners in the gym for the next two months. Hey, power to them, but it sucks when they’re all bumbling and hog the machines for more than the 30 minutes allotted time, and then leave sweaty rags and towels all over the place. Yuck!
-That my dog is sick lately. Spent 3 hours cleaning up sick dog messes from our carpet with a faulty carpet shampooer while guests were over for New Year meet ups on the 2nd. ::Sigh::
I want you to know:
My lupus has been hellish these last few weeks due to flights and rich holiday foods–been flaring non-stop, even during the day! If I’m a bit grumpy or stand-offish, it’s probably not because I don’t want to talk to you (though it could be), it’s most likely because I’m really sore or swollen or feeling sick, and I probably can’t stand or sit with you for longer than a few moments. You’ll have to bear with me.
I’ve planned:
RESOLUTIONS from last year, and goals that are always ongoing!
*Love better
*Communicate better (letters, phone calls, texts, more frequently; remember birthdays, send cards/flowers)
*Live better: Running, eating, movement, positivity, anger management
*Drink more water
*Take time to be constructive and productive around the house
*Live responsibly, happily, well, and like an adult! (Less whining!)
I want to say to someone special:
To my Husband: You are the most thoughtful, loving creature that I have ever known. Do you know how lucky I am that you said, “I do”?
If you want to join in on the Piece of Me fun, visit Toothfairy and place your name in the link and let her know you’ve done it. You can join at any time, but subsequent Piece posts should be posted on or before the first Sunday of every new month. Let her know I said to stop by, and how much I adore her.
No Really, Put Your Sneakers On & Party ALL the Time!
Despite wearing heels every day for work, and loving how they work with my outfits… I’m more of a flats and kicky sneakers kind of girl.
Loving Dream Echo’s piece on the Vena Cava X Converse Collab!
Everyone I know who loves clubs goes in heels.
I have not gone clubbing in quite awhile. But when I go, I’d rather wear flats or sneakers if they let me, because that’s when you know you can get DOWN, and your FEET won’t let YOU down by the end of the night.
I haven’t gone clubbing/dancing regularly since I moved to Detroit. For a few reasons. All the clubs here are full of urban, mainstream hip hop music. I’m more of a House Music girl–it’s more groovy, more disco, more vocal and danceable. I find mainstream hip hop trashy and unintelligent with recycled, uninventive beats or tracks. Old classic hip hop is different, more melodic, more message-filled.
I do enjoy dancing, though, and when I was younger, I went out three nights a week to the House clubs to get my dance on! I haven’t gone out seriously since then (my early twenties) because over the last five years I’ve been diagnosed with a moderate case of lupus (in case you didn’t know), an auto-immune disease that prohibits me–on account of my health–from going out and getting too crazy. Plus everyone smokes indoors in Detroit, so in addition to smelling of tar and carcinogens, the next day I can’t walk or do anything without pain enveloping my body.
The last REALLY fun time I went out dancing since I moved to Detroit was for Halloween 2007. Me and my girls are very very serious about our dancing. We were 3 of about 7-8 on the dance floor while everyone else was drinking… it’s a huge warehouse 3 stories tall with spotlights blasting in our faces and the music pumping… it was great.
Then this guy starts moving onto the dance floor, he looks like he’s getting a seizure except his face is very focused on getting across the dance floor to us!
He flops and wiggles and seizures over to us and then tries to “holler” at my girl friend, dancing in her face like a sapling tree branch caught in a hurricane wind, and while she’s finding it funny… she’s got a boyfriend, and I’m offended by his so-called dancing. I just want him to go away! He smells like smoke and body odor, he has crusty teeth! So I start a dance off with him, and while I’m in the middle of my crumping phase, I tell him to back off:
“My girl friend doesn’t like bad dancers, and you’re something else altogether.”
He kept dancing.
“No, I’m serious. You’re going to ruin our rep. Can you please leave?”
My friend laughs it off, and he skulks to the corner, where he sits for a few minutes before heading off to the bar.
I know I was so mean, but whew! if it ever happened to me again, I’d do it the exact same way in a heartbeat! He SMELLED BAD! And his dancing assailed my eyes.
Happy Halloween to us.
The end.
Loving Michelle @ Chic Clinic’s CDG X Converse sneaks!
Was there ever a time where you had to resort to extreme measures to get someone to leave you alone, who wouldn’t leave otherwise?
Tell me about it!
Img Cred: DreamEcho, Michelle @ Chic Clinic.
Post Inspired by Notes from the Toothfairy.
A Piece of Mae #1: Like Yourself, Party All the Time
I’m loving ToothFairy’s blog post game, “A Piece of Me“. The first Sunday of every month, one posts a Piece of Me, a small insight into a person’s particular feelings at that time by answering the questions to 5 key phrases. Over the course of months and years, one can see how she/he grows and changes.
I rather like it.
I like: I’m starting to like myself a bit more. Honestly. I looked at myself in the mirror a couple times, stark naked, stripped of all adornment, frills and flaw-covering enhancements. I looked at myself, nipples saluting the cold air. It was sobering. But then I sat down in front of the mirror and realized: I complain, and I cheat sometimes, but all the changes I’ve made over the last five years have led to a body worth appreciating. Running, vegetarianism, staying out of clubs, minimising how much drunken shenanigans I get into have led to a stomach with muscle definition, toned legs, clear skin. I may be small, but I have good skin, great hair and a somewhat toned physique. I shouldn’t let my I Feel Hideous Days rule me and distort my self image, erode what small amounts of confidence I can muster.
My style has changed, too. Though my entire wardrobe has now converted to a casual yet very office-y style, I pretty much don’t have to worry about thinking that I’m crossing too many styles or genres, that I don’t have any definable attributes that would allow me to label whatever my “style” is. Trendy, urban, feminine yet tomboyish, quirky. It doesn’t matter. The mix is balancing and whatever it is, I am starting to feel comfortable with it.
I like the Holiday Cheer. The other day I bought a bunch of holiday ornaments, started playing the Christmas Music station, wrapped presents for the unfortunate family we “adopted” through my mother in law’s office. For once, after feeling displaced and spiritless for years and years, the Holiday Spirit has absorbed back into me. I feel myself lighter, happier than in Christmases past, looking forward and looking backward, in love, seeing all the wonderful people and blessings that have enriched my life.
I don’t like: Eddie Murphy’s song, “Party All the Time.” Nate and I spent a whirlwind 24 hours in Chicago to celebrate his college roomie’s Big Thirty, surprising him at his favourite neighbourhood bowling alley with him and a bunch of his friends from all over the country in a big drunken frenzy. Near the tail end of the evening at the alley, everyone joined the Wild Rumpus near the jukebox while Murphy’s “Party All the Time” blared from the speakers about eleven times straight.
Since we returned from Chicago a couple of weeks ago, N has been blaring it on Youtube in The Lab (our home office) whenever he knows I’m particularly apt to listen to him, thereby assailing my ears with the horrid notes.
Suffice to say, it is not one of my favourites right now.
I honestly didn’t know that song was Eddie Murphy, and on top of that, I didn’t realize–once I knew it was him singing it–that he was in earnest singing that song. It wasn’t some comedy satire thing. It was him trying to be Jamie Foxx before Jamie Foxx was old enough to be famous, but without the whole singing well or being successful about it thing.
I want you to know: I’m blatantly honest. I say what I think, what I feel, what pulses through me in an instant, mostly without thought to the reactions of others. It does get me into a bit of trouble. We all have our prejudices, and I, many times unfortunately, find myself revealing mine in the least convenient company and maybe, sadly, hurting people’s feelings. Thankfully, I have very open minded friends who know me, know my heart, and know that I most of the time say things in jest, though they are hardly the least bit politically correct.
I’ve planned: Vacation time in Victoria, British Columbia (My home town #1) during Yuletide. I intend to take lots of photos and blog as much as I can, but being in Canada even now (we’re in Toronto visiting Sister), I’m inconveniencing those with me, mainly N and mum, by taking time out to clear my mind through my website.
I want to say to someone special: Dear Giselle, Trixie, Dre, Crix, A-Damn, Tin-tin, I’m sorry I’m not going back home to San Diego/So-Cal for X-Mas, but I will be thinking of you, texting you, writing you, and loving you from the wintry wastes of the North :), from the frozen tundric lands north of the Border. You’ll be in my thoughts always.
In summary: Homies, I be texting you and sending you pix from ma iPhone so it’s like you be wit me 25/8. Trust.
If you want to join in on the Piece of Me fun, visit Toothfairy and place your name in the link and let her know you’ve done it. You can join at any time, but subsequent Piece posts should be posted on or before the first Sunday of every new month. Let her know I said to stop by, and how much I adore her.
Maeko Loves News #1
Ain’t no big thing, being Green!
I’m a self-professed Eco-Nazi… obsessive and addicted, but without that whole oppression/genocide thing. Like that soup Nazi from Seinfeld, but with eco-activism.
Maybe it’s no secret. If you work with me, you’ve seen me rooting through the trash, picking out Styrofoam computer packaging, cardboard lunch containers, plastic bottles and soda cans, etc, and packing it in her car to take to the recycling center on the way home… all with the occasional freak out if an errant drip of food or old syrupy beverage makes its way onto her work clothes or beloved shoes. Yes, I will admit it, I am that girl. But I can’t help it!
It’s a sickness to try to change everything I can around me for the greater ecological good of the planet. I try to be my best. (**Extra points for anyone who knows where that quote is from!) I try to reduce packaging when I have to buy new, and I try to buy products with as much post-consumer recycled content, I reuse as much as I can. I’ve banned almost all the paper towel usage in our house, I mix my own cleaning supplies (if you need a recipe or six, just ask me… I have tons!), eat organic and local as much as possible, reduce my daily trash output, recycle about 90% of what I throw away, even though our condo complex has no curbside recycling program, I try to cook meals at home and take lunch to reduce carbon emissions by driving to and from restaurants for take out. We even recycle our old small appliances instead of throwing them out (e-waste!). If I do something wasteful, I am wracked with eco-guilt nightmares for a few days… it’s a sickness.
But admittedly, I wouldn’t change myself at all. If anyone else adopted this sickness, imagine how much greater our local environments would be!
Anyway, that said, there is recent local and global GREENish news that tickles and prickles me:
#1.) Tickled. Michigan Clears the Air.
Come May 1st, Michigan will be the 38th state to go Smoke Free in public. Finally, after a more than decade long fight to clear the air, the bill passed through the stalemated Michigan legislature, with a promise from Governor Jennifer Granholm (D) to sign the bill into law last Thursday.
The ban affects restaurants, hotels, bars and clubs, but exempts smoking/cigar bars and non-American Indian owned casino game floors. First time offenders will be fined $100, and then $500 for subsequent violations.
Img. Susan Tusa via Detroit Free Press
Though this makes a lot of people (like me!) elated, there are a number of opponents who have helped block this legislation for years, and are extremely unhappy the resolution passed. Small business owners believe this will kill their business. And sports fans and smokers balk at the ban. Others oppose the ban because they think of it as government meddling in people’s personal lifestyles.
While business owners may see a downturn in their revenue, we have to keep in mind that 1.) The majority of Michiganians oppose smoking in public places, 2.) they will begin to come out to support businesses they did not frequent due to indoor smoke, 3.) other cities like Chicago, New York and Columbus did initially lose a percentage of their revenue after a smoking ban, yet bounced back much stronger after a small amount of time.
My own personal reaction to this is: GET OVER IT.
Smokers always feel entitled to a sense of freedom, while they do not consider the entitlement of non-smokers who have their own right to breathe clean air! “I have an American right to do whatever I want, smoke where I want, so fuck off,” is the attitude I often come across. I guess I could rebuttle that I have a right to breathe oxygen untainted from nicotine, tar and other carcinogens. “I have a lung condition” I should say! My lungs are currently in perfect condition, and I want to keep them that way!
In addition, people who have auto-immune diseases and other health problems like cancer have a compromised immune system, and second hand smoke further weakens their immune systems making them prone to infection, sickness and in some cases, serious illness which could lead to death. In my case, second hand smoke in clubs has often caused me to lose the ability to walk, or searing pain in all my joints for days at a time.
While I believe in your right to smoke almost anywhere, I do not believe in that right when it compromises essential functions for many people to live a normal, healthy life–
You love your smoking, right? Like devotion and love for anything else, you will do whatever you need to do in order to carry on the habit/addiction/love. Businesses that want you around have and will invest in things that will allow you to frequent their establishment while still accomodating your… devotion. Like that club in Dearborn that cleared part of their parking lot, installed insulated tents with couches, heaters and an outdoor hooka lounge/bar. If you love smoking, you will make it work. You smoke outside your office despite snow and freezing weather, and you smoke out of a cracked window in your car during a rain storm, why should restaurants or bars be any different? Isn’t it only fair that while you get to take 15 minute breaks every hour and hog up all the great restaurants, that people like me who love food but literally can’t take smoke finally get our time to breathe while we eat and dance?
And on the Beauty Note: cigarette smoke, being a pollutant, actually contains free radicals in the tar, and also in the the smoke in the form of gas. These free radicals are those pesky atoms that lose an electron, and frantically search around for a free floating electron to become a stable molecule… Free radicals form when external factors disrupt the stability of a molecule. Free radical production is what causes aging.
Here is the basic summary: pollutants = free radicals = aging. No smoke in public places = less free radicals = less aging.
This is good news for Michiganians who care about their skin. This also means we can save money on those expensive anti-aging tonics and serums. Seriously, how is this not good news?
I believe this spring will be a happy spring in Michgan indeed!
The Dream
Twins: Non-Smoker vs Sun-loving, pack & a half a day Smoker
Why does the fashion industry glamourize smoking? It sure makes for great photography, but there is nothing glamourous at all in getting older faster, vomit-breath, and dirty, stained teeth! Fashion + smoking sends a message that smoking gives you an instant chicness, while omitting the disgusting, truthful deets: there are dire health and beauty consequences for sustaining a smoker’s lifestyle. /end rant.
Original Article here:Freep.com
Img Cred: ~tale-like-me @ DeviantArt, Style by Me, Dan Martensen via Refinery29,Shizuka NY, Susan Tusa via Detroit Free Press.
#2.) Prickly, Tenuous Tickle: Hopin’ in Copenhagen.
Deforestation aids drought & Global Climate Change, study finds (via All Voices.com)
NY Times reports that negotiators at the World Climate Summit in Copenhagen, Denmark are close to completing an agreement that compensates contries for preserving natural landscapes, like forest, swamps and fields, which help to curb climate change.
…forests are efficient absorbers of carbon dioxide, the primary heat-trapping gas linked to global warming. Rain forest destruction, which releases the carbon dioxide stored in trees, is estimated to account for 20 percent of greenhouse gas emissions globally.
The agreement for the program [called REDD, or "Reducing Emissions from Deforestation and Forest Degredation"], if signed as expected, may turn out to be the most significant achievement to come out of the Copenhagen climate talks, providing a system through which countries can be paid for conserving disappearing natural assets based on their contribution to reducing emissions.
The final draft of Redd was to be given yesterday to the Climate ministers of almost 200 countries. However, final agreement could be compromised in part because little progress has been made on many other issues at the summit… and recently, the UN Climate Summit President Connie Hedegaard resigned, amid rumours of a negotiating text drafted by the richer nations to be pushed through talks under Danish Prime Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen…
While this potential program would be a huge leap forward in the fight against climate change… it seems shaky at best. Going to have to keep watching to see if this REDD program gets through all the beaurocracy!
Original Articles Here: NY Times.com, & UK Guardian.
Img. cred: All Voices.com.
**Line from Dollhouse, uttered by Dolls, in their Doll-state, when the memory and brain map of engagements have been wiped clean, in response to reason for living.
Thoughts, Going New Old School and Best Friends
I knew it before, but my best friend R is a writer. A GREAT writer. I stumbled back upon her blog after forgetting for months that she had one… and I’m blown away by her eloquent stream of consciousness.
The morning moved slowly, opening one eye at a time. It stirred with slow concentrated movements, from bathroom to coffee machine to feeding the puppy. This morning was a gooey cinnamon roll with extra frosting. This morning was creme brulee flavored coffee and a few hours spent reading a new book, World War Z. This morning was a comforting quiet, a settled quiet.
waiting is dying. its like treading in an endless ocean until your arms give way to the ocean spray and the bottomless deep seperates you from your breath.
{Somehow, it’s made me realize the quality of my own conscious stream and writings stemming from instrospection have degraded quite a bit over the years. I was a way better writer in 2006 than I am now. But I digress.}
We’re going old school, and coming round back again. I’m discovering things about her that I just didn’t know, or have forgotten, because it’s been over four years since she and I have spent time together regularly (not since before the Great Cross Continental Trek–San Diego to Detroit). Things that endear her even more.
She loves
Tim Burton
Saturated, lovely films like Penelope
Cheese… specifically naming Boursin cheese in one post
Quirky forms of artistic expression
Alice in Wonderland
Scifi
Audrey Hepburn type women vs. Megan Fox/Angelina Jolie type women (I love both)
“Kissing You” by Des’Ree – A song that always makes me die inside in a beautiful way, even if I’m completely content with everything.
iPods (she was the one who convinced me to buy my first iPod… she had a green iPod Mini)
Basil pesto cream sauce
She
Gave up eating red meat, only eating white meat once in awhile
She runs
She love her some food
I am falling in love with my best friend again. I miss the days we spent dancing 3 nights a week, coming home sweaty, laughing messes. I miss the days we studied in a crowded, misty, loud Starbucks, attempting our damnedest to appear every bit the ambitious students. The trips to the beach. The giddy, giggly, stupid shopping trips where we blasted through too much or our scant paychecks. The music exchanges and iPod comparisons. The emails. The dinners. The crazy, house-music-blasting-in-our-stereos going-round-the-city-pointlessly long drives. The laughing. The car karaoke. The long, heartfelt talks. The shared sadness of loneliness and heartache.The joy of friendship.
I love her over and over and over and over again and again and again. And I know deep within me, without a cloud of a doubt, that she is one of my soul mates.
to teach me things I never knew
to relearn things I should never have forgotten
to show me that beauty and goodness and wonder still exist in the world
to connect me to a deeper fabric of life, of connection to a higher existence
to remind me that love is all around.
Img. Cred. Gills and Tails.
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Read on, c’mon, you like me:
Wake Up, It’s Da First of Da Month – Resolving to be BETTER at LIFE.
Graditudinousness – Gratitude is a state of being we should adopt more frequently.
End off with a small smile
It’s been quite a week to say the least. Busy as all hell and each day wasn’t what you’d call the greatest. But I did my best!
Sorry I haven’t been around much. I’ve just had so much to do that by the end of the day, I’m pretty much tapped.
But you’ll never guess from where I am blogging! In the kitchen on my new iPhone!!!!!
It has a WordPress app the supports blogging even for self-hosted blog so log as they run WordPress. This is so brilliant, you don’t even know. But on the downside, since I have such easy access to WordPress now without a pc, you may read a lot more ranty, expository type of stuff. Consider this your warning.
Caveat to me: one can only type so much with one’s thumbs before giving up the ghost to normal modes of blogging.
Cheers, Dear Readers, there will be a few weekend posts!
Xo, Mae k Lu
Reconstruction
Thereafterish is undergoing construction.
She will return in approximately 4 days. Kthx.
