There is just something ever so serene and poetic about cream powder dissolving softly in a cup of steaming coffee.

It’s like freeze frame moments. For those quick seconds, I can find myself. I can find my thoughts amongst the fragments.

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EDIT:
The craziest thing I ever did for love?

I moved across the country five months after meeting a man on MySpace.

I gave up a perfect locale for a destroyed, economically ravaged one (San Diego to Detroit). I gave up a stable home, steady income from a semi good paying job, living near all my best friends and associates, a thriving social life, for a place where the only friends I’d have were my new boyfriend and his one or two friends, and his mum, a sister, aunt and grandmother who hated me, and virtually no prospects for a job or a comforting place to live.

That was a huge deal. For someone like me, to whom best friends rival for my love and loyalty more than members of my own bloodline, moving away from everyone I loved, cherished and felt comfortable around was really, really difficult.

On top of that, being the social creature that I was back then, moving from a beautiful, warm, inviting, teeming city with a great social culture, to a city where I knew no one was a cultural shock to the system.

But I didn’t care. This man exceeded my List of Qualifications to be The One. And for him, losing everything dear to me was just a drop in the bucket compared to all the beauty I knew I had just embraced by moving 3000 miles away from everything I ever knew just to be with him.

We got married last year. Yesterday was our 1 year wedding anniversary. We’ve been going 6 years strong now.

Crazy gambles sometimes pay off and more.

—

Happy Anniversary, N, you make my world spin.

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This is a cross post from my style site, and comments are closed. If you’d like to share your thoughts, please do so at the original post. :)

I am a huge fan of Michelle Phan, as I have said in the past. I’ve been looking for a nice, natural but warmer, feminine look for everyday. And I have been loving Michelle’s Lancôme video: Romantic Valentine Look. It has light, natural sunset hues of dusky rose, sunset cream and rusty taupe and earth. My eyes are larger, but with a smaller lid than Michelle’s so lining the bottom isn’t as flattering on me as it is her (as you’ll be able to see in the pictures below), but I like experimenting.

I apologize for the picture quality. It was taken on my iPhone.

{ What I Used }

1. Primer: L’Oreal Secret #1 Perfecting Base (let me tell you, it’s not the best primer).
2. Foundation: Revlon ColorStay Mineral Mousse in Light/Medium Medium.
3. Concealer/Concealer primer: Benefit Stay Don’t Stray Concealer Primer under my eyes. Amazing Cosmetics Amazing Concealer in Medium Beige. Waterproof, opaque, and salmon with a hint of yellow undertone, which then covers my undereye circles perfectly, yet still matches the rest of my face. I am so content with this concealer.
4. Setting Powder: Pür Minerals pressed powder foundation in Medium Golden. Dusted all over to set the foundation and concealer.
5. Cheeks: Laura Mercier Lipstain in Mulberry. Dipped fingers in and blended it into my cheeks for a subtle, natural flush.
6. Eyes: L’Oreal Eyeshadow Quad in Desert Sunrise. Michelle uses a better pink hue from Lancôme called Haute Sunset quad. I can’t spring for the $42 it costs on Lancome-usa.com, so I tried my best with drugstore brands. It doesn’t come exactly close, but oh well.
7. Liner: L’Oreal Eyeshadow Quad again, and using an angled brush, I brushed the darkest brown from the quad onto my upper lashes and then winged it out a bit. I also used the excess on the bottom lashes, but I think it makes my eyes look smaller.
8. Eyebrows: Another, but different L’Oreal Eyeshadow smokey brown quad darkest brown, I used with my Anastasia Brow Stencil (petite arch) to fill in my brows. Let me tell you, this works better if you apply a wax over your brows FIRST. Otherwise, it’ll be really, really thin. You could also use an eyebrow pencil, but I’m not very good with those.
9. Lashes: Shu Uemura Lash Curler and Clinique High Lengths Mascara.
10. Lips: Maybelline Lipstick in Warm Me Up.

Half of all my makeup I got at the drugstore. Honestly, ALL of my makeup could be gotten at a drugstore if you’re not my specific skintone (hard to match). Revlon, L’Oreal and Neutrogena all do mineral powder lines. Revlon has an OK eyelash curler. For blush you could use Maybelline’s Dream Matte Mousse blush, but you could also use your lipstick. Rimmel and Covergirl both make alright primers as well. I don’t recommend using L’Oreal for their primer. They have glitter in them, which will settle into fine lines. Also, if you’re not a complete idiot like me, you don’t need stencils to fill in your eyebrows.

This entire look could cost you less than $60 and last you for ages.

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I often feel the same way. I question myself: Who am I? What do I want out of life? Out of myself? And lots of the time, I can’t find those answers. But I act like I can, because faking it sometimes does help me cope and move forward.

In response to her own same questions I said:

I think being lost and trying to find yourself and find your way–in addition to being a soul injured and a heart frayed–that’s all just a part of being human, and the growing process of becoming who you must become. Flowers don’t bloom without going through lots and lots of dirt and past choking weeds. It takes a lot of sunlight and care to continue to thrive, but some hardy ones make it.

I think, to some degree, we are all lost. Humanity and meaning are always in flux, so finding meaning is a constant pursuit. And you’re right, behavior can condition attitude. “Fake it till you make it” is a cliché mantra, but it does work to a great extent as you said.

A lot of my twenties were lost in the pursuit of happiness and love… Then I realized that happiness is a vain pursuit, because different things will make us happy, and trying to pin down what we think will fulfill that need is only an endless chase that may result in nothing. A pursuit of contentment is better (not to be confused with complacency). I also realized that a pursuit of love had nothing to do with men, but it took awhile before I figured that out, and by then, I was already tethered to the man I’d eventually marry.

You’ll get there. You portray yourself as strong, but you do possess enough strength and know that you have, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to fake it so well.

We’re always changing and flowing. Don’t fight it. You are where you are meant to be at this moment, so that you can find what you are meant to be and do in the next.

And with that said, I feel like this is good advice to myself…

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I did my first “REAL” edited vlog about how I need a vacation and how I’m doing a giveaway at my style site to ASOS.com worth almost $40 so that one of my readers can get that Holiday/Summer style.

Watch the video and then enter the giveaway at my style blog!

The URL to my giveaway is linked above. There are a few “rules” as you know. But, hey, do your worst!

:)

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And on that note, here is a final farewell.

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So for my readers here who do not read the new site, here’s something I posted yesterday.

Comments are closed, if you wish to leave me your usual lovely comments, please kindly do so at the style site!

One thing I have become more and more passionate about in recent days is skincare and makeup. After learning about Michelle Phan, the YouTube-verse’s own Beauty Yoda, I’ve started to pay a bit more attention to the things I put on my face and how I apply them.

via http://dailymail.co.uk

Primarily, I’ve been obsessing over having long, lush lashes and perfectly shaped eyebrows. They say eyes are the windows to the soul. If that is true, eyelashes and eyebrows are the window casings and window treatments that complement and showcase those windows. A poor metaphor, I’ll grant you, but it’s pretty darn true. Strong, shapely, filled in brows give more structure to the face. They frame the eyes and make them pop. Anyone with wispy, sparse brows knows what I’m talking about.

Back in 2001, after a bad break-up, I wanted to change my image (how dreadfully cliché of me!), shed the stupid, naive girl I was, the love-lorn fool who allowed someone to come in so intensely that he could crack every part of my carefully constructed shell. Anyway, in my haste to rid myself of the girl I had been, I allowed those in charge of my makeover to trim too much excess. Namely, my brows. In those days, thin was in. But Miss Beauty Expert (she wasn’t) didn’t know the rules of shaping brows. (following the eye and nose lines) So she made them small and extremely thin. She must have plucked out tons of hair follicles, because even nine years later, much of my original brow hairs have not grown back in. I will never ever have full, thick brows ever again, sadly. Not without assistance of powders and waxes.

Anyway, back to the topic of skincare and beauty.

The first thing a girl should learn is how to have a bare canvas face. The “Not Wearing Any Makeup” Look. It truly is the canvas for a face, and is the foundation that allows you to experiment with bolder, more dramatic colors.

{Bare Canvas: “I’m Not Wearing Any Makeup” }

Except that I am.

Here is what I used to achieve this bare naked look:

{ Prime and Prep }

1. The Body Shop’s Tea Tree Skin Clearing Lotion. I use this on top or under SPF 34 sunblock. It has Tea Tree oil which helps to fight acne and also contains mattifying powders which help calm oil production on my T-Zone, which can look like the BP Gulf Oil slick by about 3PM.
2. L’Oreal Studio Secrets #1 Perfecting Base. As far as primers goes, I don’t think this is a very good one for delicate skin. It’s very thick, so when you put it on it takes lots of heavy-handed smoothing before the product is evenly layered on the face. It holds color decently, though. I’ll use it until it’s gone.
3. Revlon ColorStay Oily/Combination Skin Foundation in Warm Golden. I debottled it and put it in the Revlon PhotoReady foundation bottle because it has a pump, which is better.
   • I apply with a Japonesque foundation stipple brush (3b) and stipple it onto my skin, and then buff it in. It dries quickly, which leaves streaks. Any streaks I even out with a wet sponge.
4. Next, I apply Benefit’s Stay Don’t Stray Eye Primer to my upper and lower eye lids with my EcoTools concealer brush. Then I pat the excess product in. Just a small, small amount goes a long way. If I’m in a hurry, I use it as a concealer, since it’s so sheer.
5. Once primed, I squeeze a hatbox pinhead sized amount of Revlon Age Defying Concealer SPF 25 in light/medium onto the back of my hand and mix that with the same amount of Amazing Concealer in Light Golden. Using my concealer brush I apply a thin layer to my under eye bags and a tiny amount to the inner corners of my eyes. Using Studio Basics foundation brush (Walgreen’s equivalent to the Essence of Beauty brushes that Michelle Phan swears by), I blend it in. If in a hurry, I just use my fingers, but the brush works better.
6. I set my face with Pür Minerals Perfectly Natural Everyday Balancing Makeup powder with a fluffy mineral powder brush. (This one’s by Bare Minerals, but I hate their makeup and I don’t advocate it. The brush is kind of itchy, too. Poorly made.

Total time: 4-6 minutes.

{ Draw the Line, Fill the Gap }



7. Using L’Oreal’s Wear Infinité in Neutrals, I use the peachy beige and brush it all over my lid for all over color with my Mac large flat eye shadow brush. Then I use the sandy tan shade and contour my crease. Using Sonia Kashuk’s angled eye shadow brush, I blend the two colors together. If in a hurry, I just use my fingers.
8. Then I tightline my eyes using Maybelline’s Unstoppable eyeliner in Onyx. I fill in the outer 4th of my upper lashline on top, but as close to the lashline as possible.
   • Then, using my Studio Basics angled eyeliner brush, I fan out the edge for a subtle, smoky, wispy cat eye line.
9. Next I define my brows using Revlon’s ColorStay Brow Enhancer in Light Brown/Champagne. I am careful to make sure my brows are properly filled and they are arched without looking too harsh or angular.
   • Using the champagne highlighter on the other end of the stick, I run the stick all over my brow bone and in the inner corners of my eye to make my eyes pop and illuminate these areas. I blend with my fingers.
10. I use Clinique’s High Lengths Mascara to lengthen my lashes.
11. To fatten them up and really separate them, I use Maybelline’s Pulse Perfection Vibrating Waterproof Mascara in Very Black to my top and bottom lashes. 2 coats. If only they could make a mascara that both lengthened like Clinique’s and volumized.
12. Lastly for the eyes, I curl my lashes using Japonesque heated eyelash curler. It’s like a curling iron for the eyelashes.

Total time for the eyes: 2-3 minutes.

{ Blushed pout }



13. Prime the lips using Smith’s Rosebud Salve. I let it sit while I apply blush.
14. For blush, I actually use Laura Mercier’s Lip Stain in Mulberry. I bought this for it’s long wearing matte, red berry finish. It’s a subtle, bricky red with some berry undertones. It’s extremely long-wearing and is one of the items I always have in my purse.
    • It works well as a blush because it’s so pigmented, a small dab is all I need to get a perfect blushy, coral flush. And it takes seconds to apply!
15. I blot my lips to remove the RBS and then I apply a nude rose color, here Maybelline’s Warm Me Up nude pink.

Total time for lips/cheeks: 1 minute.

And you’re done! Total time for Bare Canvas look routine: 7 – 10 minutes. Worst case scenario, I get a little meticulous with my concealer and lashes, and it takes me 15 minutes, tops.

I hope you enjoyed that!

Don’t forget to enter my giveaway for 25£ ($38USD) to ASOS! CLICK HERE! Giveaway closes on 8/13!

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If only I had had the budget and knowledge of Rachel Gilbert when I was shopping for my wedding dress.

I would’ve worn all of these down the aisle. Even the LBD’s and the short, sparkly white ones. Especially the short, sparkly ones. They allow me to pretend my legs actually are ninety miles long like those leggy white girls in these photos, and that I’m a milky, creamy dream girl. A princess. A shining, long-legged princess. How I should feel on my wedding day. And I did, except for the leggy part. Because, hey, I got married in a fucking castle.

Those gowns… shit. Damn. Yum.

Cream of the crop LBDs.

My favourite Fierce Black Dress.

This was my real wedding dress, with real heels and sneakers, in a real castle… so it’s not as if I didn’t get an effing dream:

Image Credit: Rachel Gilbert; Out There Photography

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Feeling shadowy, there is no other way to say it.

Which is funny, because one thing in my life is wonderful and the thought of it all makes me astoundingly happy. So why is it, that, at the end of the day, I feel like crap?

Angry, bored, sweaty girl scout.

Don't you hate digging in your endless purse for shit?

Ugh.

{ Outfit Architecture: skirt, F21. Shoes, Nine West. Shirt, H&M. Belt, F21. Scarf, Old Navy. Purse, Ployy ( fashion blogger ). }

PS. that happy thing is that we’re house hunting and pretty sure we’ve found The One.

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Sunsets in rural America–rolling hill and wooded dale and forest gladed America–are just as beautiful as painfully polluted, downtown sunsets. For those of you who don’t know, angled sunlight that refracts through air articles is really pretty. The sunlight comes in at an angled, causing only the red and orange and peach and purple rays of the light spectrum to reflect off of particles in the air. Pollutant molecules filter and reflect the light back against other pollutant molecules causing a magnified, brilliant but soft glow. A more vibrant, magnificent sunset is the result. However, the rural sunset glowing over the rolling wooded glens and dales of rural Michigan was absolutely gorgeous.

The sunlight set violet and coral and peach over the dull hillsides, like a dappled Van Gogh painting under a puddle of spilled grape soda, an effervescent indigo and peach stain.

—

I wore this Thursday to the office… I shouldn’t be wearing brights with prints to work, but yesterday people were walking around in jeans and sneakers and t-shirts with Abercrombie & Fitch emblazoned across the chest, so I actually looked more appropriate for a fabric office than most here. Thank God.

But then I worried about my stomach pooch (yes, skinny girls get them, too–especially ones who love to cook and eat lots, like me!), and my sunken-in arse and thought, fuck, this does not look good. At the end of the day, when the Safety Officer came to do an ergonomic assessment of my workstation, she said, super loud, “Mae, you’re not skanky like some of sales team… you’re sexy, but tasteful and stylish. I think it’s your posture and the way you carry yourself. You know, like, confident.” And I like, almost shat peed myself. ME? Confident? Wow.

I guess I fake it well enough to make what I feel may be questionable work attire float. Best compliment I’ve heard all week!

Fake it till you make it.

Definitely a motto worth adopting.

I usually try to smile a bit in my photos and be less statue-esque or wannabe model-like, because model-like I am not. But I was not happy. I hate my POS point and shoot from 4 years ago, and the heat lately has been unbearable! At this point, I was all sweaty and moist and wanting the camera to just fucking focus on SOMETHING without me having to run back and forth twenty times just to get a great pic, further exacerbating my moisture problem. Not a good sitch. Just took 5 shots and then threw off the jacket and decided that was it.

Do you ever have days like this??

{ Outfit architecture: Shirt, Blazer, Forever 21. Tank, BR. Skirt, American Apparel. Shoes, Vivienne Westwood Anglomania x Melissa. }

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